Okay, maybe that just relieved some pressure off of you. Saying that to myself definitely feels validating. About myself: I don't have it all together, I am not perfect, not very balanced sometimes, trying not to be stuck in my ways, learning to see grey instead of black and white, and always striving to be my best, even when I fall short.
So back to being a mom- I love it and sometimes I don't like it. I love the snuggling and kissing and laughing and playing. But what makes it hard is the sleeplessness, the "parenting" part sucks (when my son went from 2 to 3 I was pretty sure that the demon on his shoulder was about 20 times bigger than the angel on the other), the cleaning (okay the exxxtra cleaning), the crying just rips your heart out and also makes you want to bang your head against a wall, the whole trying to get a child-to-sleep process should require at least an associates degree. I do want to be real. And honest. I love my children with my whole heart. But being a mom is hard!!!!
Question/Input: What has been the hardest thing for you about being a mom? Do you think it is helpful to share these struggles with each other?
The hardest part for me has definitely been the sleep deprivation. I can deal with almost anything when I'm well rested (but when am I ever well rested?!?) Dyl has been a terrible sleeper. She didn't reliably sleep more than 1.5-2 hours in a row until she was 11 months. I wasn't sure I was going to make it. Aside from lack of sleep, the other biggest struggle for me is the complete lack of control over my life and even the most basic functions. As a mom, you don't get to pee when you want to - you go when you have a window of opportunity! You eat when you can, not when you're hungry, and then you have to scarf your food and it's never still hot (or even warm.) Shower? What's a shower?? It's just the basic things you take for granted; sleep, food, bathrooms, showers, etc that become complete luxuries instead of something you don't even think about pre-baby. And YES, it definitely helps me to share and hear that it's hard for others. Makes me feel like LESS of a failure. Ha. And all the while, I love my girls more than anything in the world, and will definitely have one more. Maybe I would make a good candidate for Christian Grey, I seem to be a bit of a masochist. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou know, I saw one of those little cartoon things on facebook the other day that said "All these moms are on Pinterest making their own soap and reindeer-shaped treats, and I'm all like 'I took a shower and kept the kids alive.'" Lol- and I thought- wow some days I don't even take a shower! :) I completely feel you about the control thing too- or loss of it- there's so much sacrifice with being a mom- or at least trying to be a good mom! :) I really hope that the sleeping thing gets better- I can't imagine 11 months of that insanity. Thanks for sharing!!!
DeleteI think it's great to talk about the hard stuff... it makes us remember we are not alone.
ReplyDeletehttp://jessmarinn.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-great-failure.html
Awesome Jess- thanks so much! I love feeling not alone in all of this!
DeleteKristen!! I love this:) And I absolutely agree that the sleep thing is by far the hardest to deal with in the first year. After that---it is the shear act of balancing all of the great things you want to do in your life. To be an amazing wife, mom, christian, athlete, friend, housecleaner....etc, is a huge task!!!!! Just take it day by day and it will get easier. That's what I'm telling myself at least.
ReplyDeleteMiss you!
I really wish we could just all hook ourselves up to caffeine IVs for the first several years of being a new mom :). I agree with the balancing act- feels like sort of being in a circus. I loved reading your blog! Continue!! :) Miss you too!
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